By the Dashboard Lights
by Dave Friedli
10/30/03
In the Bag
Remember how mom used to say, "Ummmm! Taste this. This is SOOOO
good! It tastes just like..."?
It never tasted "just like".
In fact, when dear old mom added the phrase "tastes just like", you
KNEW something was amiss.
To mom's credit, she seldom used the "tastes just like" simile in
defense of her cooking.
Mom's cooking was almost always superb.
Even if it wasn't, as kids we were always so hungry from
working/playing/studying/sleeping half the day that we ravenously ate
whatever was placed before us.
In The Wife's defense, sometimes choices are made in life solely on
cost alone.
Which explains how the non-Starbucks bag of coffee found its' way
into the house this weekend.
"The Starbucks was over $8.00 for a 12-ounce bag at Hy-Vee, and this
Eight-O-Clock coffee was only $3.95. And people say Eight-O-Clock
coffee tastes just like...."
I lost consciousness at that point.
Sure, Starbucks coffee is pricey. But its' flavor is unique.
A friend says it is regular old coffee which is simply over-roasted
to add a slightly-burnt flavor in the cup.
Whatever.
Put me in a taste test and all other things being equal, I can
probably pick out the Starbucks.
In the 1970's, the Pepsi taste test set out to win people over from
drinking Coca-Cola with the amazing results that people couldn't tell
the difference between the world's largest seller and the choice of a
new generation.
The oldest daughter's science fair experiment one year proved people
couldn't taste the difference between tap water, bottled water and
water from a water pitcher with a built-in charcoal filter.
Regardless of that scientific proof, I will maintain there is a
gigantic difference in coffee brands.
And among the brands, there is also a discernible difference in the
types of roasting processes and, apparently, in the country of origin.
Eight-O-Clock coffee doesn't contain bad beans. When the package is
opened, they don't swear or attempt to escape or refuse to exit the
bag on command.
These coffee beans are docile creatures. As beans go, they are
middle of the road, sit on the fence beans. Brewing them is quite
fine for company and social occasions.
But I am out for the caffeine jolt when I brew my cup of joe. I
want kick. I want flavor. I want coffee that tastes the same
straight out of the pot as it does four hours later, cold in the cup.
That is what Starbucks provides.
The secret, I think, is not in how the coffee is roasted or in how
it is brewed. The real difference is where this bean has its literal
roots. Starbucks, at least the last case or two which has made its
way from bag to grinder to Mr. Coffee, comes from
It is strong, bold and can more or less stand up by itself, even if
a cup is not available.
When you drink Starbucks, you know you've had a cup of coffee, now
as well as three hours later when the caffeine is still having a
stimulant effect on the neurotransmitters of the brain.
The current bag of Eight-O-Clock coffee boasts that it is "French
Roast".
That explains most everything that isn't right about a coffee named
after a time of day. Viva la Columbian!