By the Dashboard Lights

By: David Friedli

November 8, 2007

Wart Removal

I have warts.

These are not the fleshy, mounded growths on hands and feet that look bad and are prone to being caught on things like doorways and edges of tables.

These are electrical wall warts.

Wall warts are those boxy plug gizmos that come these days with just about every electronic device. They are only slightly less desirable than the organic kind.

I have one for my cell phone. I have one for my iPod. I have one for my computer.

There is one for my hand held GPS. Computer printer. Battery-powered portable bass guitar amp. Cordless screwdriver. Cordless drill. Palm Pilot.

Make it cordless and the warts will come. OK, I have lots of stuff. That might be the first issue.

But a look around my house indicates I am not alone.

CD players. Sony Playstation 2. Gamecube. Electric racecar track. WaterPik. Cordless telephone. Make that two cordless telephones.

Wall warts are a necessity. They convert 110-volt energy into lower voltage used by the device. Warts simply are a step-down transformer.

Some devices are large enough they could integrate this electrical circuitry within itself. But to put such wiring inside things like the iPod or Razr phone would add undesirable size and weight, rendering the portable device moveable only with a forklift.

The inherent problem with electronic wall warts is that they take lots of room.

Some, including many that currently reside in my house, take up more than their share of room.

Two will not fit into a normal wall socket.

Most are wider than the normal spacing between sockets of a surge strip, so even a six-space strip can power only three warts.

Of course, every device has a specific—and different—power requirement and most have a unique connection between device and wart which precludes any sharing of the power source. Universal power supplies must be as popular as universal health insurance.

In their warped conversations of how they will confuse consumers next, I am sure the CEO’s of every major corporation have a conference call every Monday to be sure their device-powering wart won’t work with any other unit.

It is a problem and short of getting rid of my toys—er, my items of necessity—I have resorted to plugging my warts all over the house, one per outlet, as space allows.

So be patient when you call and I have to run to the back porch to answer my cell phone.

It was the only plug-in left.