By the Dashboard Lights

by David Friedli

November 1, 2007

Oh Deer

At the moment I hit the deer as it crossed the road, two thoughts went through my mind.

First, I realized was that this moment was far overdue.

Second, a lyric line from David Wilcox’s “Eye of the Hurricane”: “Speed doesn’t kill, impact does.”

For the record, I had driven somewhere over three-quarter of a million miles without a vehicle accident of any kind. Smacking into a mature, trophy-sized buck ended that streak of event-free miles.

It also turned my car into something looking more like a NASCAR vehicle that found the third-curve wall at Daytona Speedway.

In fact, I have seen lots of mid-90’s Ford Taurus racecar right front fenders that looked eerily similar to my family sedan.

Perhaps those cars sported paint from another racer in addition to the wall damage.

I am sure they didn’t have animal hair and a chunk of hide where the headlight used to be.

That must be why super-speedways have those twenty-foot high chain link fences around them.

The last thing NASCAR fans want to see is Dale Earnhardt driving headlong into a deer crossing the track. On second thought….

All advice regarding impending animal impact replayed though my head. From Dwayne Brettman’s driver’s education course in 1972 to the Nebraska Driver’s Manual, I recalled the do’s and don’ts.

Do slow down safely. Don’t slam on the brakes. Do brace for impact. Don’t swerve. Do watch for vehicles approaching from the other direction. Do watch for other animals following. Don’t panic.

I think I might have panicked. I also know I slammed on the brakes. Let it be known, the seriously-powered V-8 engine in my Taurus SHO isn’t the only piece of performance equipment.

Four-wheel disc brakes brought the car speed down quickly. Very quickly.

And the saddest part of the story is Mr. Deer and I almost did not meet.

My car might have traveled two feet after my right front fender and that deer’s right rear flank collided.

For an instant, we both stopped. He looked at me with that ‘deer in the headlight’ (the right one was now shattered) look. Then he walked away. I checked out the damage and drove away.

A thousand hunters would like to have the multiple-point rack on that buck this season.

I am hoping the next thing that hits that deer will be traveling a bit faster. Let’s say something small and pointed going 2400 feet per second.