David Friedli

By the Dashboard Lights

 

09/20/07

50 Ways

           

“I appreciate that…would you please explain about the 50 ways?”

            Paul Simon, “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover”

 

September 15, 2007.  My fiftieth birthday. Fifty ways I chose to spend it.

  1. 12:01 AM. Finished fertilizing school football field after double overtime loss.
  2. 12:45 AM. Lying down in bed feels good.
  3. Sometime after 1:45 AM, I fall asleep, still replaying last part of double overtime loss.
  4. Sleep in until 8:30 AM. Three hours past usual waking time seems like days.
  5. Get paper.   6. Go back to bed.  7. Read paper.  8. Get up at 9:00 AM for good.
  1. Drink coffee and… 10. Finish reading paper.
  1. Cook my own breakfast.  12. Eggs.  13. Dipping eggs.            14. With toast.
  1. Homemade butterscotch pie for breakfast dessert. (It is my birthday.)
  2. Phone call friend to thank for the butterscotch pie.
  3. Subtly hint for another pie, real soon.
  4. Don’t shower. 19. Don’t shave. 20. Brush teeth (some things MUST be done).
  1. Have second cup of coffee. 22. With cream.
  1. Watch some College Game Day.
  2. Mow the lawn… 25. With the rider and the push mower.
  1. Visit with neighbor about the weather and his garden.
  2. Score fresh produce without begging.
  3.  Decorate porch with pumpkins from neighbor.
  4. Play with dog.
  5.  Watch some college football on TV.
  6. Check an empty email box.
  7. Shower. 33. Shower until hot water runs out.
  1. Enjoy more than a three-minute shower, the usual 5:30 AM routine.
  2. Shave at 3:30 PM.
  3. Pack bag for trip to mother’s 80th birthday party two hours away.
  4. Drive to mother’s house.
  5. Drink a Diet Cherry Coke. 39. Drink a Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi.
  1. Reaffirm my allegiance to Cherry Coke as my favorite soda..
  2. Get my choice of radio station in the car, for one day. Birthday privilege.
  3. Have supper at mom’s house (even ham sandwiches taste better there).
  4. Watch Huskers play on TV.
  5. Complain about offensive play calling and defensive scheme.
  6. Resign myself to feeling sorry for Huskers against superior talent.
  7. Declare game over at end of the third quarter.
  8. Write article for newspaper.
  9. Submit article electronically.
  10. Early.
  11. I rest very, very well. After all, I am an old man of 50.