David Friedli

By the Dashboard Lights

 

03/27/08

The Ultimate Spinoff

 

            They are officially called “Technology Utilization Program Reports”. I read my first one in the late 1960’s.

            Produced by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), this yearly publication charted the products that had made their way from the manned space program into the daily lives of earth-bound humans.

            For those of us who dreamed of being weightless, orbiting the Earth or bounding across the moon, having real-life justification of the billions of dollars spent in the exploration of space proved to be great public relations for NASA and a federal government also mired in an unpopular war half a world away.

            A spinoff is a commercialized product that incorporates NASA technology or NASA "know how" and benefits the public. The Technology Utilization Program Reports outlined the ways astronauts were doing a high-priced test-drive of items that would make our lives better.

            Give us HEPA air filters, freeze-dried food and accurate quartz clocks.

            Surround us with high-tech plastic, protect us with heat shields made of Teflon and shrink electronic devices small enough that they can fit in a shirt pocket and still hold thousands of music files.

            Let us sleep on the same memory foam as spacewalkers.

            And now, give us stink-free undies.

            Actually, this space spinoff is so clever it could only come from a foreign country.

            Astronaut Takao Doi of the Japanese Space Exploration Administration (JAXA) has packed some high-tech boxers into his carry-on bag as he traveled to the International Space Station.

The same country that has given us Nintendo, DVD players and sushi has made a concerted effort to keep their nation’s space rep comfortable while in the confined quarters of the orbiting lab.

Japan’s “Near-Future Space Living Unit” developed some personal tightie-whities for Doi that have built-in “odor elimination” and “water absorption”. Apparently, these unmentionables are still soft, comfortable and stylish, unlike other absorbing garments commonly available, namely, Depends.

This astronaut is boldly going where no man has gone before. Doi says, “Even if I wear [them for a] couple of days, three days, or five days, they should still be clean.”

I’ve got news for Mr. Doi. He still better plan on changing clothes before heading home or hitting the bars when he gets back to Earth. Women of the 21st Century care about certain things.

And clean underwear is still one of them.